Happy birthday to my DIVA!

Jan, 4th was my Diva's birthday. She was excited. She said she had been waiting forever to be 6! So we had her a party at school on the 4th and one at home on the 5th. She had a great time. The cupcakes are from her party at school and the "6" cake is her party at home.

If you have ever read my bog from before you know that she asked for a venus flytrap for Christmas, well she got one for her b-day. Now I have to keep it alive. Anyone have any tips?

Over all it was a good day both days for her party and according to her she had fantabulous time! Her words not mine. Her bedroom looks like a bomb went off in it and I think it will take me a least a month muck it out, now that Christmas and her b-day are over.

I pay really well of anyone would like to join me in cleaning it! NO takers huh? Ok well if I get lost in there please send a search party.

Into the new year

As I go into the New Year, there are several things that I want to point out that happened in the 2007...

My Diva started kindergarten, what a shock for me. Damn that meant I had a kid that was going to elementary school. What the hell I am young, not old enough for that. Then there is the whole "oh my GOD, I am turning 30" revelation. Yeah less than impressed with that. Had a great 30th b-day party, though. GREAT, even for being 30. Have to do a shout out to Stacey and Robert... WOOT... thanks for the jello shooters and the lemon drop, made my 30th b-day MUCH more bearable! On to Kevin, thank God he puts up with me and my craziness. He needs way more than a shout out, so if you see him give him a high five! God knows he needs one, for living with and that Diva. No one ever wonders why he drinks after they meet the two of us... hmmm, I will have to give that some thought.

Ok on to some personal things for me and not my family...
I flew to Dallas to meet up with my girlfriends, got my luggage lost, Ate some fabulous McDonald's food at 2am. Met my fabulous and dear friend Farrah Rochon! Shout out to Farrah, (BUY HER NEW BOOK RELEASE ME in JUNE 2008 -- I know shameless plug for my friend- but hey its my blog!) I loved my trip to Dallas... Laying on the piano in the bar (hey I always wanted to- it was there I had drank one, two or ten martinis), Running a bunch of red lights, sorry about that girls, I really did not see them. Homeless people with luggage was new to me as well. Ending the trip with a visit to Texas Stadium(small pause her for reverence.....................). I have to say it was one fabulous trip!

Now as for the news:

Some people might point out that all the little "it" girls went crazy... Britney's shaved head (girl, no matter how much weight you lose and how cute your clothes are BALD is BAD!), Paris's (although as of yet I am still not sure what she has to contribute to humanity) stay in the slammer, Lindsey's drug charges (stick with red honey, you are not a blond) and the list goes on and on. Sadly...

Then there are other things like Colts win the Superbowl!! (Go COLTS!!!! Love me some Peyton Manning!) Then there is Barry Bonds; did he, didn't he use steroids. I have to say who cares (by the way I think baseball is nearly as boring as golf... sorry to offend all yall b-ball fans). Then there is Don Imus and the whole "nappy headed ho incident". Hmmm.... seeing as how I know some nappy headed ho's and have occasionally been nappy headed myself, (though not a ho to my knowledge, regardless of what Jan says!! OH and BTW I had no clue as to who he was... thats how important he was in my world...but I digress)I do not think that was nice of him. BUT it is a free country, so he is welcome to his opinion. But then I am also welcome to mine in thinking he is an IDIOT!

So 2007 was interesting... what does 2008 hold? I guess we will have to wait and see.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Do you see this game? Yes my Diva got it for Christmas. 1st thing I want to say about it is, NEVER buy it for your child! You will be playing it for hours on end and she will cheat. And when I say that she will cheat I mean she will not let you bump her back to start, she will not let you skip her and lastly she does not like to wait until she rolls a one or a two before she can leave home. So like I said it was almost two hours of her complaining that she thought I was cheating. When I told her that I was just doing what the cards said do, she said "whatever, for all I know you are lying to me, I can't read I am only 5 ya know!" Then she dumped the game over and said she was NEVER playing again!

Did I mention that she also got Uno, Operation, Trouble, Piranha Panic, Connect 4 and Monopoly. So, yes I have been playing board for days on end. Just shoot me!

In honor of my extended family Christmas:

Well tomorrow my mothers family is coming over and well if you have ever heard this song; I want to let you know it was wrote about my family:

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Felis Navidad, Felis Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel
The First Noel

Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension chord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of tampons, Marlboro Lights
Haleluja everybody say Cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night,
Oh Silent Night, Oh Holy Night

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Mary's
Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem LightsHaleluja,
everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the Family


So Merry Christmas From the Family!!!!

Do you see this bird? Do you know that he talks?

SQUAWKERS McCAW the FURREAL FRIENDS Parrot takes interactive play one step further through highly innovative animatronics, voice recognition and programmable features. A remote control triggers pre-programmed voice commands and provides “shortcut buttons” to activate varied play modes which enable SQUAWKERS McCAW to respond by simply repeating words spoken to him, answering with pre-programmed commands, “teaching” the parrot to respond with programming voice commands or prompts, and responding with “humorous” and “playful” phrases to his pre-programmed phrases. And true to real Macaws, SQUAWKERS McCAW loves to dance! If music isn’t played, SQUAWKERS McCAW will play and dance to his own signature song. Available now!
Item #:77182
Approx. Retail:$ 69.99
Ages:5 & Up

Yes he talks and does everything else known to man. The diva has asked for one. Yeah so not happening. I mean she talks more than anyone on the face of the planet. Do I really want something else for her to talk to. Because believe me she would. I can already hear it... Just the thought is making me crazy. So she asked Santa for one of these... Well I told her not to get her hopes up that I was pretty sure the elves were out of feathers and that she probably would not get one.

I just can not have one more thing at my house to have a conversartion with. I think I will go postal on someone.

Make It Work People!!!

So... Yesterday, my best friend Jan I went shopping or well we tried. She picked me up around 12:30 and we drove the 30 miles to Panama City Mall. Well since we are known to enjoy eating more than most people, we opted to go the Red Lobster first; based solely on the fact that they have REALLY REALLY good cheese biscuits. So an hour later we had spent $40.00 on lunch and we were much happier. Seeing as how we were at the Mall we went on in. We started in the JC Penney's. I was looking for my daughter some clothes to keep her warm as we are having a small cool spell, it has been around 68 to 70 degrees. To her that is freezing! Anyway after we waded through the crap and went to the boys department and bought her 2 shirts from there. At no point is my five year old wearing a pair of pants on her ass that say "naughty" not now not ever.

We kept looking and found a god-awful denim jumpsuit. Yes your eyes are not deceiving, you just read DENIM JUMPSUIT. We found grown folks jelly shoes. If you are a size 9 and out of elementary school, like me there is never a point when you should have a jelly shoe on your foot, EVER! Then the rest was just PLAIN ugly. Not a little UGLY, I am talking horrendously UGLY, like take my eyeballs out and dunk them in Clorox bleach UGLY. I am not even going to bring up the terrible make my ears bleed, flute music they were playing in the Dillards.

Now I might have understood a few ugly things but I felt like I was at the UGLY mall. I just knew candid camera was following me. And you know it was some ugly crap when I the queen of buying shoes, did not ever TRY a pair on!

On the bravo channel you can watch Tim Gunns guide to style and he will tell you that a trench coat is one of the ten items you should have in your closet. Living in the woods in Florida I have no occasion to wear one, so in turn I do not own one. Well I hope that everyone that buys clothes from that mall, listens to Tim and buys a trench coat. At least that way I will not be subjected to such ugly crap. In the words of Tim Gunn "Make it Work People"!!

Hindlegs anyone?

So… as you are all aware, I live in the DEEP South! Not that it is a problem mind you, it’s more of a fact of life. Not that I am saying that I want to live anywhere else, there are just things that take place here that would not happen many other places. Which brings me to the reason for my blog today:

How often are you sitting at the table and you hear someone complain that they wanted a hindleg not a frontleg, BUT I digress, let me start at the beginning.

Saturday was the opening day of squirrel season. Now that may not mean much to you, but at my house its cause to celebrate. I know I know my red neck is peeking through. But anyway we are sitting at the table eating, (let me set the menu for you- fried- yes I said FRIED squirrel, biscuits, syrup, pork roast, peas, creamed corn, turnip greens, cheesy taters, sweet taters, and some nasty macaroni salad ok maybe not nasty but I do not like it). Like I was saying we are eating and one of the guys on his third plate hands it to his wife who happens to be standing at the time. Well he fails to mention that he wants more and she throws his plate away. After he closes his mouth due to outrage, you know he wanted more it was not like he was done or anything, hell he was just catching his second wind. She gives him that look, yeah you know the look, she tells him that she was putting him on a diet. Well I will tell you right now, he just didn’t take kindly to that at all. Finally, she asks what he would like and he says “A few hindlegs, some of that sugar free stuff and the red dessert you made.” She hands him his plate he looks down at it and he says “I told you I wanted HINDlegs not frontlegs!” The sad part is that everyone knew exactly what he was talking about.

(Small disclaimer, I have not and will not at any point ingest any part of a squirrel, my family however it does not seem to bother them to eat tree rat. )

Yes, bless my heart that is the world I live in. I am not saying it is a bad place I am just saying that it is my world.